Some of you may know that yesterday was my step son Logan's birthday. We ended up going to dinner at KFC, (I wasn't happy). I almost didn't eat b/c I KNEW there was nothing I could eat that would be even remotely healthy. I've been a stickler for fueling my body for my health AND indulgence. I knew it would be awkward for everyone, had I not eaten ANYTHING. So, I ate while I fed Sophia. I had this shame and guilt for eating so badly, when I've been boasting about losing 4 lbs, and working out so hard. Last night I got a couple texts from people at BBW that said "you know you work tonight?" I had NO IDEA, I was so preoccupied with other things, it didn't even dawn on me. After mentally kicking my own A$$ and I weighed myself to see how much I'd gained in the course of the day (and after a hefty meal). It was 1.8lbs. (ugh!! SO MAD at MYSELF!! not only for missing work but also gaining lbs) So this morning, like every morning, I pee'd (tmi) then weighed myself.... I GAINED 1.1lbs! GASSSPP! So in my disappointment and depression, I ate a vanilla sugar wafer. Awhile later, Sophia was ready for her nap. When I came back downstairs, I plopped on the couch and started watching Real Housewives of Orange County. I sat there in the debate we've all had with ourselves, over doing something we KNOW we should and need to do, but don't want to "right now". It is what I've done every time I'm upset or depressed. My workout time is when Sophia sleeps, and I NEEDED to do take advantage of the nap time. So, in my guilt, I got up double up on regular bras, put on a pair of Ben's socks, an old pair of shoes (all my work out gear is in Sophia's room) and I pushed through Pure Cardio harder than I EVER have before. Mentally, I was beating myself up, over losing control, not sticking with my diet, letting not only myself, but my fans and family down. I'm doing this not only for MYSELF, but I'm doing this for every woman who's a little insecure, every Mom who's putting their children and family first and have lost sight of themselves. Every Grandmother, who wants to keep up with their grandchildren. ANYONE who wants to make their lives more fulfilling, whom wants to live longer. To show people LAZINESS IS A CHOICE.
During my workout, while all this is going through my mind all I can hear echoing ahead of my own thoughts is Shaun T yelling, "keep pushing" and "dig deeper" and "you're almost there"... In that moment, I realized I wasn't pushing harder because I was mad at myself, I was pushing harder because I knew I had to work harder to burn what I had gained. I had an epiphany by the end of the workout. In today's society, we EAT when we celebrate, we EAT when we're depressed, we EAT at holidays. When we indulge, we know we'll regret it, but its OKAY to be human. Its OKAY to have cake, and mashed potatoes. I refuse to miss out on life's moments that we can NEVER get back. Logan will only turn 9 once, I can turn down cake and KFC any other time. But this day was about HIM, and I think we owe it to ourselves to allow these indulgences to being freeing from the daily grind.
Once you've mentally conquered your lifestyle, the rest falls into place. We can't hate ourselves for one day of slip ups, or one day of celebrating, or one day of depression. All we can do is say "well, I screwed up, but I'm jumping right back on".
I'm telling you this, so you're aware that when it happens to YOU, you're not alone. You're NOT the only one that has bad days. We are all human, and we all love comfort food. :)
The Cherokee Proverb (for those whom don't understand the relevance)- means that we can be negative to and about ourselves (and other problems) or we can see the bright side, be truthful and positive to ourselves. The path we chose (or mouth we feed) is ultimately the winner of our attitudes, demeanor and actions.
